Posts filed under ‘Love’
Just Another Day In Paradise
I haven’t said much about life in general lately and I’m starting to worry that people out there, whoever you are, might start to think that I’m some kind of bad mother for not mentioning my little bundle o’ joy more often. Well, if only to save myself from public shame, I have to tell you that D and I have been incredibly busy with Phoenix since his arrival, naturally. Which is mostly why I’ve neglected my innocent little blog so much as of late. We barely have time for much else but, to whomever it may concern, I’ll give you a small glimpse into what goes on behind this web-based facade of my silly, misguided existence.
Phoenix had his first doctor’s visit yesterday. At just six weeks old, he was subjected to two injections from a duo of syringes longer than his forearm, administered by some over-the-hill gorilla lady with ashy knuckles and a moustache, with hardly an ounce of tenderness. But, alas, he survived and emerged victorious, now immunised against Hepatitis B and Tuberculosis. We also discovered that he ineed has some mild eczema, so we’ll pick something up for his skin soon enough, although the amazing, natural line of Weleda products we’ve been using has done wonders already. He still gets the odd patch of dry skin here and there and seems to be particulary prone to heat rash but in this hot and humid Caribbean weather, it’s no surprise.
Pookums stands tall and proud at 12lb 5oz now and he’s 100 per cent clinically insane. He enjoys most of his days (and nites) milking Mama D dry and when he’s not satisfying his hunger pains, he’s pooping, peeing, burping, puking, bauling his head off, knocking off a few rounds with D’s tits, dancing to Rollergirl, staring at the bed head, smiling, squeaking, squirming, attempting to crawl, struggling to make sense of my crazy curls, immersed in the TV and/or computer screen, brushing up on his boxing, pulling off an uncannily convincing Popeye impression, shoving his feet into my diaphragm, dozing off or demanding more boob juice. Oh and, every once in a while, he’ll sleep. He also makes a habit of throwing his own parties at the witching hour every nite, at which we are always present (D provides the beverages). Breakfast begins at approximately 5am, 6am and 7am every morning, collectively and then it’s time for his daily exercise routine, which consists of push-ups (or pull-ups, as the case may be), sit-ups and various stretches.
So, yes, he’s doing just fine.
Lately, we’ve been playing the typical famiy role, performing the daily grind, so to speak, until there’s enough money saved up in my pension for us to extract and head back to Arizona, finally. We wake up not so bright and early every morning, tend to the master, enjoy a bowl of diced organic bananas and/or apples with pomegranate, acai or blueberry granola and soy yoghurt, feed the scraps to the neighbourly iguana on our balcony, check out the latest Wii updates, dabble on Second Life a little, Pookums permitting and maybe indulge in a little television or music. I’ve been working mostly from home, as I barely do anything at the office anymore besides sit around, eroding in the dark and I can perform just fine on the Mac right here at home and still spend my free time helping out Mama D with the little monster.
Occasionally, we’ll trek down to the beach, Phoenix in stroller, though he doesn’t seem to care of the saltwater very much so sometimes we’ll simply venture downstairs to the nearby swimming pools visible from our balcony and wade in the smaller tub for a while. He seems to have taken quite a liking to water, provided the temperature is just right. So much so that we can now comfortably bathe with him in the bathroom and scrub him down in unison, even feeding him right there and then should he feel the urge to suckle. We always take him shopping with us and tomorrow we’ll even make an attempt to make a trip to the cinema with the grandparents to watch Wall-E, if it’s even playing here yet.
And that’s about our life as it stands right now. We’ve been a little more preoccupied with Second Life since he’s entered our lives and we’re ever so slowly getting back into the groove and I’m hoping to start spinning again soon, should I find some way to do so using Ableton Live (I’ve grown tired of SAM). In the meantime, I’m not sure what to do with this little corner of cyberspace. I’m not even sure if I’m making the least bit of difference with all my posts on environmentalism, veganism, transgenderism and the sort although I’ll still continue forward on my quest to convince the mass populace to wake the fuck up.
But baby gets what baby wants.
Phoenix Rising
I’m just gonna come right out and say it. We have a baby. And here he is:
Isn’t he just downright gorgeous? Every time I see his little face, I find myself at a loss for words. But, at some point, I need to smear that big grin off of my face and blab on about and glorify him a little bit. I mean, come on, it’s a blog after all. Okay, so let’s get straight to the mock meat of the story…
A little over a week ago now, after waiting anxiously for days and days for his much anticipated arrival and numerous false predictions, fruitless contractions and a few days leave, D and I went back to the hospital for another check-up and such. The projected due dates spanned somewhere between the 6th and the 12th and by the 14th, we were starting to get a little frustrated. So, our doctor started poking around down there, which I’m sure pulled a plug or twisted a knob somewhere, as not too long after, once we were settled in at home again, the contractions started coming hard and fast. At which point, we both started to scramble.
Packing up everything we thought we’d need for our stay, timing contractions with our handy dandy video camera, running through our checklists and making all sorts of calls to family and friends, it was pretty damn exciting to say the least. Although… when we finally made our way over there, courtesy of Nana, the doctor’s claimed she was far from going into labour. So they kicked us all out! Well, everyone but D. Their reasoning was, because she wasn’t in “heavy labour” just yet, that not even I was allowed to stay. So they sent us packing and I had to fold my arms and grunt all the way back home by my lonesome while D had to stick it out in some horribly lit hospital room by herself with Phoenix ready to pop at any moment.
Come next morning though, once I made it down there again, she was starting to feel the symptoms pretty well. And by that I mean she was fucking breaking down in pain, gasping for air and suffering with back pain and vicious contractions. Still, the nurses/midwives claimed she had much longer to go and consoled her with statements such as, “Oh, you think this is pretty bad? You haven’t felt anything yet!” So encouraging. As yet another nurse came to examine her with a rickety old fetal monitor from the better part of the 70s that could barely keep time, she announced that she had hours left to go before she would go into delivery and that the labour was only just commencing.
…She was barely out the door after that before D went all wide-eyed, staring down the spontaneous river of blood meandering between her legs, to which the nurse responded with, “Oh, she’s ready to deliver!” Naturally, I had my concerns about the accuracy of their assessments but you know… we’re about to have a baby!!!
I’ll skip the gory details at this point but what I really need to ask is: is it okay for a nurse/midwife to perform an episiotomy without consent from the labouring mother? I swear, had I not been there to practically tear the knife away from her vagina, they would’ve sliced her before D had any idea what was going on. These idiots wouldn’t even give me gloves or mask or anything even when I requested them outright.
Anyway, after bitching back and forth with the nurses whilst D’s squealing in agony, I told them to shut the hell up and let her get to work. They didn’t think she could do it; kept telling her she was doing it all wrong, that she wasn’t even trying. And then, about 10min into the delivery… she pops him right out, umbilical cord and all! We watched him flop onto that hospital bed in all his bloody glory. 8lbs 7.5oz strong, 54cm long at 12:59pm on the 15th of May, 2008 with an Apgar score of 10. Healthy as can be.
He started breastfeeding immediately. Had some minor issues getting cholostrom at first and he suffered with a little jaundice from lack of sunlight but once we brought him home (after D spent a lovely three days extra in the hospital), he was feeling just fine. Now he can’t get enough of Mama D’s milk (and I mean he really, really can’t) and he’s keeping us busy constantly. And we love him. We love him to bits.
So, you can imagine where I’ve been for the past few weeks, although a few other items have been eating up my “free time”. Anyway, fuck… we have a baby. Our own flesh and blood. Oh… wow. Congratulations to us.
Happy Birthday, Phoenix.
Oh, Mama! Pt. 1
The Weekend Starts Here
So there’s not much in the way of news per se but that doesn’t mean we haven’t been up to anything. I’ve even had to blow off a few friends just because I’m so incredibly busy with everything else.
We just recently purchased a hefty serving of baby clothing, toys and accessories from Speesees and I can’t wait for them to get here. Cost about a third of my paycheque but it’s definitely worth it. We’ve also put together a baby registry at a local childrens store and we’re even working on putting together a small baby shower to celebrate Phoenix’ arrival, complete with Veganese cooking, recycled fanfare and environmentalism video entertainment. Oh yeah, we’re taking full advantage of this affair.
This parental stuff is all well and good but I’m seriously missing out on going out and having some real fun, clubber’s style. We tried a month or so ago but it’s just way too late in the game to socialise like we used to. No drinks, no drugs, no wild sex parties… not yet. Yeah, needless to say, we have other priorities. (I’m starting to realise how much I’m beginning to sound like a mother.) We’re devising some sort of plan to give us a little flexibility though. Breastpumps, babysitters and hopefully, the start of another (successful) polyamourous relationship with a certain special someone. We’ll be all over Phoenix when he first gets here, sure but that doesn’t mean we can’t get a little wild every once in a while.
I’ve been struggling to upload some videos of D and I from Phoenix for forever now but damn, my connection is crappier than I thought. Google isn’t cooperating very well so hopefully I can find some other viable option. I desperately need to take some new pictures anyway. My blonde hair is just about completely gone now anyway (and I so miss it).
Tomorrow begins our much needed long weekend though, kicking off with Good Friday. It’s really a shame we can’t comfortably cooperate in celebrating with other Christians but it’s not like we’re that devout either. There’s just too much conspiracy surrounding the good book for me to take anything ti says with much more than a grain of salt these days. We’ll probably just take some time to laze around, cuddle up and watch a few good flicks. Maybe hit the beach or play tourist for a while. Happy Easter, kittens!
Back In Mac
It’s been a long time coming but hey, let’s get personal.
So… I’m at work. Sitting in the office once again with absolutely nothing to do but just that. I’m stuck here without a supervisor, a shallow and sleazy British co-worker who doesn’t say a word to me, a dinosaur of a PC and oh, look… my new MacBook Pro has just arrived over the weekend. With nothing better to do, I decided to unravel its chic, glossy packaging to reveal the wonder that now lays on my office carpeting, humming quietly like a spring breeze under the surrounding fluorescent haze. Three weeks into my new job, it’s finally here and still, I can’t do jack with the poor thing. Look at its shiny eagerness. Suffice it to say, I’m not one of those stereotypical designers who goes gaga over Apple products but there’s an appreciation there, sure. I’ve always said they’re designed for simpletons (and I still stand by that statement) but people usually minconstrue that connotation. It gets the job done, hassle-free but they’re still hardly my first choice. Oddly enough, this time, it was.
After hand-picking the hardware, software and other doodads to accompany me in my own, confined area of office space, it’s slowly coming to my attention that, maybe, this job isn’t so bad after all. The pay’s a little lacking but we can get by, I suppose. Though, considering all of the baby products D and I have been scouring the web for lately, the figures do seem a little grim. And you should see this list, by the way. We’re nowhere near complete but it’s already pretty grandiose. We’ve found flushable, biodegradable diapers, couture, organic baby decor and all sorts of vegan-friendly options for our babe and we’re loving it. Thinking about posting said shopping list soon but that won’t be for a while.
We want the best for our little man, naturally — and yes, I really do mean “naturally” in every sense of the word — but (naturally) it comes at a cost. At this point in time, we might put the small dream of our own place on the back burner for another month or so just so we can save up to prepare for our forthcoming guest. I guess we can deal with a few more days of lecturing, tension and drawn out periods of awkward silence in order to accrue some much needed monies for him. I’m just becoming a little ill from swallowing my pride so often.
Speaking of which, I’m considering starting a new HRT regimen with the aid of selected items from The Phoenix Project. Those of you fellow TGs out there who may have had a little experience with them, please offer your guidance and wisdom if you’re so obliged. From all the homework I’ve done though, it seems like a good decision. And of course, they’re all natural so you know that’s music to my ears. No prescriptions necessary, way less expensive and good for you taboot! Come next paycheque, there’ll be some serious changes around here…
Speaking of paycheques, we’re broke again. My first one in months and we’ve just about spent every cent, save for a few bucks in my pocket and some loose change. Oddly enough, we didn’t waste it all partying our asses off this time either. In fact, most of it went to food and necessary organic and/or natural care products, all not tested on animals (which reminds me, I need to post something about that). Oh and damn, please watch Earthlings, everyone. It’s seriously something every single person on this planet needs to witness. We finally managed to catch An Inconvenient Truth last nite too and honestly, the emotional impact is on an even greater level. This planet’s in peril. People just need to give up the meat.
I’ve noticed that my blog is getting far more traffic lately so I’m hoping someone’s listening to me. I’m aware it’s mostly due to my recent posts of the Sweeney Todd soundtrack and Ministry of Sound compilation but if you happen to read this, walk away with something a little more meaningful if you can. I’m so close to going over the edge and mighty morphing into one of those raving activists running circles stark naked around big buildings. If not for your health, do it for mine. But don’t worry, I’ll continue to post more free music, tranny talk and whatever vegan goodness I happen to stumble upon. Spread the happiness!
Happy Saint Valetine’s
Happy Anniversary To Us
Don’t ask me how but we did it. We’ve survived an entire year together. And we couldn’t be happier.
Today marks the anniversary of Danielle and I. Roughly. We can’t exactly pin point the day we actually decided to function as one singular item (first we hooked up in Second Life, then we started a real world, long-distance relationship, then she finally flew down to Phoenix to live with me and eventually got married months later), we can say that it was generally around this time. And that’s good enough for us. Makes it easier next year when we can afford to buy each other anniversary gifts. Though we’re still broke (but not for long), we plan to seize today all to ourselves. It’s been a crazy week anyway and we both need a break. Mom caught a vicious cold, brought it home and decided to share it with all of us so we’re not exactly the most energetic either. But I’m sure a nice, quiet, lazy day involving nothing but lots of cuddles and sweet nothings in each others’ ears will be just the thing we need.
I’ve had some crazy times in the past with my previous lovers but nothing like what I’ve experienced with Danielle. No, this is the good kinda crazy. The kind of crazy that takes on you adventures all around the world. The kind of crazy that pits you at your highest highs and drags you through your toughest lows. The kind of crazy that involves sex, drugs, raves, evictions, stolen goods, polyamoury, more sex, police, car crashes, farm animals, babies, planes, trains, hotels, unemployment, loud music, even more sex and, above all, the greatest love I could ever imagine. It’s been a wild ride alright. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sure, we made more than our fair share of mistakes but we’ve overcome our tragedies and pulled through together. And, so far, I think this year is turning out to be a true testament to that.
Never have I connected with anyone the way I do with my Li’l Squirt. The way we know exactly what the other is thinking at some point every single day. The way our likes and dislikes mirror each other with uncanny precision. I didn’t think it was possible but she literally is like my other half. In some ways we’re complete opposites but in most ways, we’re like long lost sisters. And she’s been the single most prominent figure to see me through my transition. No one else even comes close. Most of my friends seem to have abandoned me because of it but she embraces it and makes me feel sane. She’s given me more support and tutoring than any counsellor ever could and I’m eternally grateful for her. I just can’t imagine my life without her from this point on.
So, I can only hope that today turns out just the way we want. Our life together is full of spontaneity but, whatever happens, I’ll be looking forward to more of that same ol’ crazy love. Here’s to us, D. I love you and always will. Let The World Be Our Playground!
The End Of The World
As December draws to a close, I can’t help but look back on all that I’ve experienced this crazy year. Funny how they seem to get crazier as time goes on. I thought last year would be pretty tough to beat but oh, after these former twelve months? It’s beaten. To a pulp. In retrospect though, as hard as times have been, I’d have to say that it was easily the best of my life. Thanks most in part to my beloved Danielle. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had our pitfalls. (We’re not doing so hot right now either.) But no matter what happens beyond today, I know I won’t regret any of it. Thank you, D, for giving me the best times of my life. I love you.
My successes this year include: embracing my transgenderism and effectively completing and continuing my RLE; leaving college; getting married; avoiding numerous police arrests; making a baby; convincing my parents to send me to counselling; landing a job in my ideal career field only to discover that it’s clearly no longer my career field and quitting before probation was up; experiencing my first polyamouros relationship; experiencing my first foursome; travelling across the United States of America on a Greyhound bus for three and a half days; becoming Vegan; dealing with the loss of both my grandmothers; cuddling with my best friend; launching an online business in Second Life; surviving a car accident; seeing snow; making another song; eviction; living illegally in a foreign country; joining PETA; meeting Danielle for the first time; getting stranded in the middle of the night in downtown Phoenix; discovering Electroclash; discovering Nu Jazz; discovering pierogies; visiting real farms; sex with a hermaphrodite; throwing hookah parties; getting a perfect score in Yoshi’s Island all over again; speaking to the dead, experiencing a cuddle puddle in front of a bonfire in the middle of the desert; enjoying a free pizza, compliments of a friendly taxi driver, etc..
Not too bad for a year’s work, I suppose. The latter part of it was fairly tame (and much more arduous) compared to the beginning but I’m not complaining. Too much.
I won’t lie. Nowadays, things are more difficult than they’ve ever been. Between Danielle and I, we hardly have any money to our names. No place of our own and nowhere to go from here but back to my hometown. And it’s not going to get any easier yet. I’m more than ready to start the next chapter but I’m scared. I really am. I don’t know how I’m going to live a happy life down there but at least I won’t be alone. Looking forward to seeing the family again. The beaches. My friends. And, most of all, Kristina. Excited to show Danielle around (if she ever decides to get this passport before it’s too late) and land another job but other than that… well, I don’t know. Que sera sera. Here’s to another crazy year.
The Silky Way 
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